


Forgetting the Scars

by No_Fandom_No_Life



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Death, Gen, PTSD, Psychological Torture, Suicide, self blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4024129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Fandom_No_Life/pseuds/No_Fandom_No_Life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the suicide of one of the boys, the british police decide it's best for the rescued boys to be brought to a Mental Health hospital. Ralph is forced to be reunited with the boys, and with the head monster, Jack. Ralph must learn to confront his past and is faced with the challenge of accepting the horrors of the island.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Please only read this if you have read the book. Not only will it not make much sense, but I pretty much spoil the whole ending of the book. 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy the story and sorry if it gets too cheesy!

"Are you ready to go?" Ralph nodded solemnly as he lugged his new suitcase down the stairs. The man in the white coat stood in the foyer talking to Ralph's parents.  
"Are you sure this is necessary?" Ralph's mother asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is. After the police took the boys' statements, we feel that they could use some time away. Especially after what happened with Roger." The doctor shook his head in dismay, "I guess the poor boy just couldn't handle the guilt. We really don't want another suicide on our hands now do we?" Ralph's parents’ both nodded their heads in agreement and in remembrance of Roger. The doctor continued, "I feel quite certain that some quality time with each other in a secure location will allow the boys to work through their issues, and help prevent any further incidents"

"And what about that Jack boy?" Ralph's father grumbled, "I don't know how good I feel about my son living with a murderer for a couple of months."

"The boy will be there, but he won't have much contact with the boys. Only during group therapy. He spends most of his days locked in the panic room at the end of the hall, separate from the rest of the rooms." The doctor replied assuringly.

Ralph placed the suitcase on the ground as he stood by his mother. The doctor checked his watch then addressed Ralph.  
"We should get going. Why don't you say goodbye to your folks." Ralph hugged his mom as tears began to swell in her hazel eyes.

"You be good now, Ralphy."  
"I will mom." Ralph shook his father's hand and then followed the doctor out the door, pulling his luggage behind him.

Sitting on the street was a large white bus. Inside he could see some of the kids from the island. He lowered his eyes to the ground, he couldn’t stand to look at them. It’s all your fault. Ralph thought, If you had just done your job... he shook his head, throwing the thought back into the recesses of his brain. 

He stepped onto the bus and sat in an isolated seat. He kept his head down, he didn’t even look around to see who else was there. The minutes rushed by as more broken souls piled on the bus and the scenery shifted erratically outside the thick windows. A fly buzzed around Ralph’s head, but he didn’t mind. Little things like that were irrelevant to him now. 

Finally, they reached the large building where they would be living. A large sign stood outside of the building by the road side. "The Winston Churchill London Center for Mental Health and Well-being." In smaller letters below that it read: "Psychiatric Facility for the Mentally Deranged." Ralph swallowed the lump in his throat. The island messed him up, but it didn't really do that much to him, right?

The bus stopped outside the building and the boys began to pile out, each one carrying their brand new suitcases since their old ones were destroyed in the crash. The doctor led the kids inside the building, having each of them sign their names on a contract agreeing to be admitted into the hospital. 

They passed the adult male wing first. Some of the men wandered around the rooms, disconnected from life. Others sat in their chairs and held themselves, trying to fight off the demons that had burrowed into their minds.

The doctor ushered the boys to their section of the hospital. It was empty of life, except for a few nurses that were fussing about. The doctor showed each of the boys to their rooms and paired them up with a roommate. "Ralph," the doctor addressed, "you'll be paired with Samuel." Ralph looked around the room, trying to find the Samuel that the doctor spoke of. He couldn't place the name. His eyes fell upon Samneric. The two twins stood close to one another, almost as if they were joined at the waist like siamese twins. Sam's eyes were wide with fear of being separated from Eric. Ralph and Sam locked eyes, both having a feeling of dread over their pairing.

"You two," the doctor continued, "will be staying in room 112b." He pointed to a room at the end of the hall. On one side there was the room of two of the littleuns and on the other side, there was a closed room. A large door blocked the entry and a strong lock kept it shut, the only portal of knowledge into the room was a small window that sat at adult eye level. ‘Separate from the rest of the rooms,’ yeah right…” Ralph thought as he deducted that the room was the infamous panic room which contained the beast, Jack. 

The doctor announced the rest of the room assignments and the boys dispersed to unpack. Ralph and Sam’s room was all white. The beds were cold metal frames with white comforters on them. The room looked like an empty canvas, awaiting an artist to make it beautiful again. 

Ralph started to put away his many sweaters into the white drawer by his bed.  
"So," he said, trying to start a conversation, "what have you been up to Sam?" No response. "Have you done anything fun while you've been home?" Ralph turned to look at Sam to see if he was listening, but Sam was lost in his mind again. He put his clothes in the drawers like a robot, but his eyes bared his soul. They glistened like shards of broken glass. He stared off into the distance, lost in a trance of confusion and pain. Ralph turned back to the drawer, dropping the conversation.

Soon after Ralph put away his clothes, a nurse entered the room. "Dinner in five minutes." Ralph nodded to let her know they heard and she leaves, continuing down the line of endless white doors. Ralph stuffed his bag under his bed and turned to Sam.  
"Well, you heard the lady, you ready to go." Sam nodded his head and they exit the room, heading towards the mess hall.

The dinner was bland and overcooked. It was chicken that was slightly dry, with mash potatoes that were a bit too soggy. The vegetables were overcooked and the bread was stale, but the boys didn't notice this. They hadn’t since they came home. They didn't notice many discomforts of the actual world. When their beds were dirty, or their clothes smelled. When their mothers forgot to scrub the tubs, they didn't notice it. The island had stopped them from noticing the little things.

The boys all went to bed soon after eating. The doctor said he wanted them to get a good nights rest for tomorrow. Ralph silently laughed at this, he couldn’t remember the last time he slept well.

The same nurse as the one that gave them the warning about dinner came back around the hall, telling the boys it was lights out. Ralph closed his eyes as the darkness welcomed him. He fell asleep to the rhythm of Sam's snoring. Slowly, Ralph slipped into a dream.

The fire flickered in Ralph's eyes.  
"Kill the pig, cut its throat, spill its blood." The boys encircled the fire like militants blinded from their humanity. Their spears jabbed at the sky, attacking the heavens. They bared their teeth like wolves, ripping at the innocence that once was in their hearts.

Suddenly, Simon came running down from the hill. His hair was wild and his face was one of a madman. He was trying to say something but he couldn’t, the boys would not let him. One of the boys stopped in his tracks and pointed his finger like the hand of death at Simon.

"Kill the beast, cut its throat, spill its blood!" The boys turned to Simon like a group of hungry animals. Simon didn’t see this though, he was too busy running down the hill. His mind was somewhere else. He stumbled into their circle, right into the grasp of the devil. The wall of flesh encircled him, blocking him from freedom.

"Kill the beast, cut its throat, spill its blood!" They shouted the chant in unison now as they raised their spears. They jumped on Simon and began tearing at his flesh, grabbing his skin in their teeth, biting and ripping, tearing away the life from the child. Their hands were soaked in the blood of an innocent. Simon's hands grasped at the stars as his eyes screamed for mercy. No one heard his pleads. They were overrun by savageness.

Ralph felt a hand on his shoulder as he watched the demons reap another soul. He turned to find Piggy standing there. Ralph smiled at his friend, but Piggy didn’t return the gesture.

"Why'd you let this happen Ralph? You were our leader. You were suppose to stop this. Where were you, Ralph?” He spat the words at ralph like droplets of boiling water, scalding his morale. His voice crescendoed as his words lacerated Ralph’s vitality, “You failed us Ralph. You failed all of us! You let Simon die! You let them rip his skin from his bones like a bunch of dogs!" Piggy's voice broke as the desolation fell upon him "Why did you let them do this to us?" Tears began to fall from Ralph's eyes. Ralph attempted to placate Piggy, but was lost for words,

"I'm sorry! I tried, I was just scared." His head turned back to the boys and Simon's dead carcass that lay on the beach. His broken brain spun once more as he realised why it happened this way, "I was scared. I was terrified that that would happen to me." He turned back to Piggy. Suddenly a thin red line began to inch its way across Piggy's forehead, blood oozing from it. Piggy shook his in repugnance.

"You killed us Ralph. You killed all of us." The crimson line halted before Piggy's head cracked abruptly open. He fell to the ground and the blood began to pool on the sand below him.

"Piggy! Piggy no!" Ralph shrieked. He knelt down and held the dead body of his friend in his hands. The blood caked them, wrapping them up in pain. Ralph began to sob. "I'm sorry Piggy. I'm so sorry! Please, forgive me." He rocked back and forth on that stone, holding his friend in his hands; feeling the guilt of the dead crawl into his heart and slowly squeeze it, taking his soul from within him. Behind Ralph, a freeze, alit by the fires of hell itself, displayed the boys drowning in their own evil. 

Ralph awoke from the nightmare crying, not tears, but the blood of Piggy and Simon.  
"Please forgive me. Oh god please forgive me." Ralph cradled himself and rocked back and forth on the cold metal bed. The tears stained his cheeks with the same red as the blood of the fallen. He shook as he ripped at his hair. Breathing became hard as he tried to ask the ghost of his friends for redemption. 

Ralph's suddenly felt a warm presence on his shoulder. He looked up to see Sam attempting to comfort him. Ralph shook his head, "You don’t understand. I killed them Sam. I let them die. It was all my fault!" Ralph buried his face in his hands and shook his head in shame. 

"No, it's not," Sam spoke. It was his first time since the island. There was a new authority to his voice, one that wasn’t there on the island. "I use to blame myself too, Ralph. But then I realized that this," he lifted his shirt to show the wound that Roger gave him with the spear back when he tortured the twins, "that the stuff that happened to us on that island wasn't our fault. I didn't give myself these scars, Roger did. We didn't kill Simon, the boys did. Jack did. You didn't kill Piggy. They did. Don't blame yourself Ralph, that's not what Simon and Piggy would want."

"I just miss them, Sam. I miss them so much! I just don’t understand. I mean why? Why does everyone I love keep dying? Why do they all keep leaving me? I’m just so tired of being left behind, Sam. I’m so done. I just want it to be over. I just want the island to be over." Ralph confided.

"I know, and I understand. The pain of people ditching you. And guess what? We’re going to be abandoned again. Someday, the people we love will eventually die and leave us behind. And maybe the island will never let us go Ralph. Maybe we’re stuck there in our minds forever. But I don’t like think that’s true, Ralph. I mean, that's why we're here, in this dismal hospital. To help us get off the island for good. To help us forget the pain of that wretched place." He pointed at his stomach again, "to help us forget about our scars."


	2. Chapter 2

There's something special about seeing the sunrise the morning after you cried yourself to sleep. The soft yellow glow hums over the billowed trees, insidiously happy. Insidiously calm. A bird flies gently in the air, almost as if it forgot it should have gone south by now. The soft trees float in the soft wind as the shadows dance amongst the windows. You could touch the window and feel the cold flicker of reality, your fingers flattening on the glass. The dew collects outside, it collects on those trees, on those window panes and houses and pieces of grass and the bird's nest. The dew is everywhere. When the sun sleeps the dew falls. That is how it works. That's how it always works. 

The dew fell that morning Ralph woke up. The dream but a dance caught in his internal wind. All that remained was sleepy eyes and a dull thud in his head. His tiny feet, not yet grown into a man's, felt the floor. They felt the tile and the soft dust that lay beneath them. They felt the warmth of walking. Ralph felt the cold. But that was all. 

***

"You have a storm behind your eyes, my boy" The doctor remarked.  
"Sorry" Ralph brought his eyes back to the doctors.  
"No, it's quite alright. A little day dreaming never hurt anyone. What were you thinking about?"  
"A lot of nothing"  
"And what kind of nothing was it?"  
A shrug.  
"Just nothing."  
"You know I've been on this earth 63 years and not once have I met someone who was truly thinking nothing."  
"Well there's a first for everything".  
A chuckle.  
"Yes, indeed there is." 

***

Ralph pushed the scrambled eggs about his monotoned white plate atop the monotoned table with monotoned boys and thought about his mother. Did she miss him? Did she cry? Am I hurting her?  
"Ralph." His head snapped towards the sound. Pink lips. Then a nose, then soft soft eyes.  
"Yeah Sam?" Sam gestured to the nurse talking to the group. Her protruding lower lip flicked on every word, again repeating the schedule they all knew. The life they’d grown to understand. But protocol is protocol. And thus her bottom lip flicked.  
"At 8:30 promptly you will convene in the sitting area for group. For now please get dressed and get ready for the day. Now, off you go." 

Click, clack, clack shatter smack, clatter clatter . Screech, eeerrrrr, swooosh,, shuffle shuffle, thud, hey!, ow! Sorry., shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle, snif, Click click click errrrrr shuffle errauah slam! Slam! Slam! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ralph?"  
"Yeah Sam?"  
"Good morning."


End file.
